I spent decades getting on with it. Then I started wondering who was watching.
In my early 20s, when I first started out in business, I was fearless. I remained that way until my mid-50s. I didn’t give a fuck what people thought. I just got on with it, and I enjoyed the ride.
For decades, that was how I lived. I had a go. I made decisions. I got things wrong, as we all do, but I didn’t spend my life imagining what other people might say about it.
Then something changed.
When getting back up got harder
About eight years ago, I made some poor judgement calls in business and in the people I chose to spend time with. I took a fall.
I’d had setbacks before. Usually, I’d find a way to get back up and carry on. This time, though, it was harder. I didn’t bounce back in the same way. I started questioning myself more.
I can’t tell you exactly when I began worrying more about what other people thought. It wasn’t one clear moment. But somewhere along the way, I became more conscious of how my choices might look to other people.
Would they think I’d stuffed things up? Would they judge me for trying again? Would they talk about what I’d done wrong?
Those thoughts weren’t part of how I used to live. I’d spent most of my life getting on with things and enjoying the experience. Then, after a fall, I found myself giving other people’s opinions more room in my head than they deserved.
The fear that keeps us waiting
Recently, I heard Rick Rubin make a point about how people often don’t get started because they’re worried about what others might think.
It stayed with me because I recognised the feeling. I’d been wanting to write a blog post, but I wasn’t sure what to write about. And then I started thinking about this. Maybe I wasn’t the only person who had an idea but kept hesitating over it.
You might want to start a business, write a book, change careers or try something you’ve always been curious about. But before you begin, you picture somebody laughing at you, telling you it won’t work or asking who you think you are.
Nobody has to criticise you. You can imagine the criticism yourself, then use it as a reason to hold back.
The people you’re worried about impressing don’t have to live with the choice you never made. They don’t have to wonder later what might have happened if they’d tried.
You do.
Their opinions are theirs
I’m not saying other people have nothing useful to say. Sometimes the people around us can see things we don’t. But there’s a difference between listening to someone you trust and letting the imagined opinions of everyone else run your life.
People will think what they think. They may agree with you or judge you. They may understand your decision, or they may have no idea why it matters to you. That’s their business.
It’s your life you’re talking about. You’re the one who has to decide what to do with it.
I used to understand that without having to remind myself. I didn’t give a fuck what people thought because I was busy getting on with things. Somewhere along the way, I began to forget it.
Do what you love and stay authentic
I’ve always believed that if you’re going to do something, you should care about it. Stay authentic. Do the work because it matters to you, not only because you’re hoping it will make money straight away.
Of course, you have to put in the effort. You can’t expect something for nothing. If you want to build something, you have to give it time, keep learning and show up when it isn’t easy.
But there’s value in the work itself, too. You don’t have to turn every interest into a business by next Tuesday. You can care about where it might lead without demanding an immediate return.
I honestly believe that if you remain authentic, do what you love and stay the course, you cannot fail. You’ll be better off than you were before you started. You’ll have learned, grown and found out what you’re capable of.
Stay with it long enough to find out
Starting takes courage. Sticking with something can take even more.
You begin with energy and excitement. Then the work gets harder. Results are slow. Somebody else appears to be doing better, or a new opportunity looks more attractive. It’s tempting to decide the grass must be greener somewhere else.
Sometimes the new idea is worth pursuing. But sometimes it’s simply easier to chase something new than stay with the thing you already chose. We make excuses. We lose focus. We stop halfway through, before we know what might have happened if we’d kept going.
I know how easy it is to get knocked off course. That’s why I keep coming back to the same thought: get back on the horse. Stay with what you believe in. Don’t let other people’s doubts, slow progress or your own second-guessing decide for you.
Start before you feel ready
If something has been on your mind for a while, you don’t need a perfect plan before you begin. You can take one step and work out the next one as you go.
I’ve written before about the power of imperfect action. You don’t have to make a big announcement or wait until every detail is sorted. Start with the action you can take now.
Ask yourself: What would I do next if I stopped worrying about what other people think?
Then do that. Make the call. Write the first page. Put the idea into motion. You don’t have to convince everyone first.
I’m not writing this from some perfect place. I’m not in a good place right now, and I know getting back up can be harder than it sounds. But I still believe in getting on with it. I still believe in doing what you love, staying authentic and giving it a real chance.
In my early 20s, I didn’t need to think twice about what people might say. Today, I have to remind myself that their opinions are still theirs, and my life is still mine.
So what if they judge you?
Get on with it. Enjoy the ride. Get back on the horse.
